Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
