Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
