I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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