dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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