I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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