Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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