i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
