The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
