my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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