i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
