You just made me feel so damn special
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Someone shit on the floor
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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