I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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