I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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