If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
