The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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