I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
