K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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