go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
