I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
