i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
