All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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