I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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