Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
