then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
