our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
