Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
