My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
