They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
