I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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