You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
