Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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