Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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