If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
