In the future we'll all be gay
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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