Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
