White coat. Heels.
plz talk dirty to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
