My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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