God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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