I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
