in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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