I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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