You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
