She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
