Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
