I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
