you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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