so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
