Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Two words: nipple clamps
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