I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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