Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
