if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
