last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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