Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
