im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
