So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
