Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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