bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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