dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
