We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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