we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
