my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize