So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
